I guess there are millions of other stories like mine -- stories of unrequited love.
The only difference is -- this is my story.
I have always wondered why feelings need arise, why the most platonic of friendships or acquaintances need to be bothered by wanton feelings of love or something of that sort -- wouldn't the world be simpler if we could hold our feelings at bay, if we could at whim, banish them into thin air.
Wouldn't it be simpler if we could protect our heart from the devastation of loving someone it had no business falling in love with in the first place?
I would like to set him free, yes.
So that I could finally set myself free.
In fact, this has been my constant battlecry for almost 5 months now -- forget him, move on.
Easier said than done, though.
I have tried so hard to convince myself that I no longer feel anything towards him and yet his is the name I call out during my most unguarded moments.
And, for quite a while I really thought I was over him -- although, deep inside I knew I never really was.
I wonder why is it necessary to have a heart and yet never be able to give in to what it yearns.
Regardless of the circumstance, my heart still beats for him -- no matter how much I try to pacify my heart or shame my feelings into silence, only so that I would not hurt so much, I can't.
I love him so much, it hurts.
I have resigned myself already to the fact that he can never be mine -- still, a flicker of hope lingers.
Yes, such audacity, one might say.
But, it does. It still lingers. I don't know why and I don't know how.
Hope lingers even if reality tells me otherwise. Even if his actions tell me otherwise. If only I could confide to him what I feel. And, if only he could reciprocate. However, I know such will never be the case.
He does not know. Will never know. And, won't ever care to know.
I love him with all of me. And, yet I know he and I will never come to be.
If only he could love me back. If only.
